Every nerve raw,
Like a candle burned down to its wick
Stores of sugar evaporated.
Crashing onto my bed,
Limbs melting into my comforter
Listening to my own cadenced breathing
Grabbing the canteen of sugar and caffeine crystals,
Feeding my empty belly
Electrifying my blood stream.
I lay my head on my pillow,
The quiet before the storm
And it hits.
It hits as my pulse jumps to 120,
As my heart races like a bullet train,
Escalating…
Up
Up
Up
Waiting for a violent crash.
I’m all alone,
This nightmare is in real time
I look at the phone,
The red numbers on the clock.
“Oh shit,” I whisper.
Is this it?
I’m all alone,
I’m not alone,
I cry out to God
Whose invisible presence
Envelops me.
Be Thou my vision
Oh Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art.
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
I’m on the floor,
On my knees,
Begging for my Savior to draw near.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine,
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
The room is still,
The clock reads 12 am,
As I pace—
Singing songs of redemption.
Until my head and heart come down,
And I crumple
Onto the wooden planks of the floor.
Curled up,
Longing for the warmth
Of my mother’s womb.
I reach for the edge of my bed,
It’s 2 am…
The light still on.
Pulling the covers over my body
And holding Christ’s hand,
As I drift into a fitful sleep.
